That's Not How It Happened
by Black Shard
Summary: The ninja & Nya return to the Samurai X lair only to find it in ruins with the elemental masters tied up. When they're questioned on what happened, each of them have a different take on the events & all of them are guaranteed to confuse the ninja even more. (Plus hints & a sneak peek of the movie-verse Chosen by Destiny)
1. This Mess is a Place

**That's Not How It Happened**

 **Hey guys! I'm back! It's been a long time since I've written a real story my hiatus was just what I needed to find inspiration again! This was the winner of my poll (that & it's only one that got any votes) so I decided to start by writing this story! Also, as a little treat, I'll also be putting up some plans I have in mind for the movie version of Chosen by Destiny as well as a tiny sneak peek. But for now, read on!**

* * *

Prologue: This Mess is a Place

It's probably a good thing that the expression 'if looks can kill' is just a figure of speech because if that were true… well… Nya would've obliterated the entire population of Ninjago in an instant.

The ninja, even Jay, kept their distance from the samurai as she shot a pretty nasty death glare at the ragtag group tied up in the middle of her secret Samurai X lair, or what remained of it. The entire lair was in ruins with debris from the busted ceiling and boulders from the natural cave covering most of the floor and what wasn't already covered was littered with countless tiny shards from the destroyed computer screens. Severed wires hung from what was left of the ceiling, disconnected from whatever machinery they were linked to, with sparks occasionally bursting from the ends and any machines left behind were covered in dents and scratch marks.

In the center of the whole mess was the main target of Nya's wrath: the elemental masters, who were tasked to watch her secret lair for the day. Now she knew better than to hire them again because they obviously failed to do their job.

"I gave you one simple task and you couldn't even do it." The samurai glowered at them.

"How were we supposed to know it'll end up like this!?" Ash retorted.

"Lloyd, it's time to open the envelope I gave you." Kai whispered to the green ninja.

Lloyd pulled out and opened the envelope and unfolded the piece of paper inside. It was a picture of the Samurai X lair in shambles with 'This will happen.' written on the bottom. He had to give the fiery ninja points for getting something right for once.

"Give me one good reason not to snap your necks." Nya continued interrogating the side characters.

"This is all your fault!" Griffin hissed at Neuro, "You're the one who should've- "

"My fault!?" The master of mind argued, "It was Karloff's idea in the first place!"

"Chto!?" Said master of metal glared at his fellow elemental masters and would've beaten them up if he wasn't tied up too.

"Don't even get started!" Shade growled, "This is humiliating enough as it is!"

"But the main question is who, or what, was responsible for this." Zane said.

"Good luck getting the truth from them," Jay rolled his sapphire eyes, "After all, even with the crappy writers on the show, there's probably a good reason why these guys don't show up very often."

Gravis gave the lightning ninja a really annoyed look before using his gravity-defying powers to lift one of the larger chunks of debris and let it fall onto Jay's head, earning a mouthed 'good one' from Cole.

"So how did you get into this mess?" Lloyd asked.

The elemental masters all started explaining everything at once, causing an even bigger commotion as well as even more unneeded stress for the already frazzled female samurai.

"Shut up!" Nya raised her voice, terrifying them into complete silence, "One at a time!"

"Karloff know what happened!" The master of metal volunteered to go first.

"Wait!" Cole halted him before grabbing some chairs from out of nowhere for him and the ninja to sit on, "This is gonna be good! Go on!"

The metal wielder cleared his throat before beginning his interpretation on what transpired.

"Karloff remember everything," He started, "Karloff remember it like it happened yesterday- "

"It happened today." The other elemental masters and even the ninja and Nya corrected him.

"Karloff knew that!"

"Come on! Get to the good part!" Kai goaded Karloff to begin his take on the unseen events.

"Da. It began like this..."

* * *

 **And there you have it. If any of you have seen that episode of Ed, Edd n Eddy where the Eds were stuck in a wall & tried explaining how they got in there, then you know how this will go down. Also, kudos to anyone who finds the Simpsons reference. Okay, now on to the movie-verse Chosen by Destiny stuff.**

 **First, here's 2 hints on my plans.**

 **One, self-discovery will be an important theme for the kunoichi & two, which will DEFINITELY be in the story… Lloyd & Iris will get into a huge fight & no, it will NOT be for romantic drama. I'm already gonna downplay the romance in this version of the story.**

 **And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! A very special sneak peek of The Chosen by Destiny Movie: The Fic (title prone to change)! Enjoy!**

* * *

Iris wouldn't have minded riding the bus to school but Karloff kept insisting he'll drive her. After all, he always passed by Ninjago High on his way to work.

"Uncle, why can't you just let me take the bus?" The young schoolgirl complained while they were on their way to the school.

"The bus is too dangerous," Her uncle replied, "Every time I see it, it's always tilting so far to one side it gets slowed down and sparks literally fly. They really need to get that problem fixed."

* * *

 **That's it. I hope you enjoyed the prologue & the sneak peek. As always, reviews are appreciated!**


	2. Trololo Lololo Lololo

**That's Not How It Happened**

 **Here it is, guys! The very first chapter of the shitstorm! Karloff's story is meant to be a parody of Russian animation but I wasn't too sure how to translate that into writing but this story is just gonna be dense & wacky. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

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Karloff's Chapter: Trololo Lololo Lololo

" _It all began with trololo guy in fog..."_

Deep within the misty parts of Ninjago, a man dressed in brown who is definitely not Dareth strutted through the fog, singing his infamous tune. It sounds messed up but hey, that's what this story is. But also, there was a little hedgehog who was lost. It wandered about aimlessly seeking help from anyone or anything it hoped to come across. Soon, its prayers were answered when it saw a tall man in armor standing not too far. As you may have all guessed it, that man is Karloff.

"Excuse me, sir?" The hedgehog approached the elemental master, "I'm lost. Can you help me?"

"Da! Karloff help hedgehog! We can go to Samurai X lair with humpbacked horse!"

The master of metal whistled and the diminutive beast galloped forward and miraculously managed to carry the big guy and even fly out of the fog and into the night sky. Even if it's nowhere near Christmas yet, Nutcracker music started playing and it started to snow and the winds picked up the faint echoes of the trololo man as Karloff continued his journey.

" _Karloff was on way to rescue princess but Karloff ran into Baba Yaga!"_

The Russian hag cackled once she made her debut in this story.

"Where do you think you're going?" The Russian hag got off the mortar she rode on to taunt the metal wielder, who was now in the middle of a forest.

"On way to castle to save princess. What of it?" Karloff answered, this time accompanied by a donkey, dog, cat, and rooster.

"You're not going anywhere under my watch!" Baba Yaga summoned her house that stood on chicken legs and threw Karloff and his animal friends inside, "Now you will be my slaves forever!"

"What are we gonna do!?" The dog cried, "There's no way out!"

"Then we'll make our way out!" The donkey encouraged the group, "With song!"

Then Karloff and the animals burst into a musical number in which there won't be any lyrics unless the evil entity responsible for this story wants to be buried in lawsuits. Anyway, the group kept singing and dancing until Baba Yaga's house fell apart and all her belongings were destroyed.

"Nu pogodi!" Baba Yaga shook her fists towards the party as they took off into the sunset.

After escaping, they reached the castle but it was empty except for a bird with flaming feathers.

"Sorry, but the princess is in another castle." The avian animal said.

" _Suddenly, giant teddy bear attack!"_

The gargantuan toy roared as it attacked Ninjago City. Citizens were running for their lives. Then up in the sky…

"It's a bird!" A boy pointed out.

"It's a plane!" Another child exclaimed.

No. It wasn't either one. This story may be dumb but not _that_ dumb.

But back to that thing in the sky, it was Karloff riding on a flying robot unicorn, leaving a trail of sparkly rainbows that for some reason smelled really bad.

"Tvoya mat' byla khomyakom, a tvoy otets pakhnul koykoy!" Karloff let out his battle cry.

The unicorn lovechild of fantasy and sci-fi started to shoot massive beams of light from its horn as the master of metal controlled it, only for all of it to be on a mobile game being played by some ugly loser on the toilet.

" _Then Karloff was trapped on moving island fighting three-headed dragon- "_

" _Is there even a cohesive story arc here?" An utterly confused Zane interrupted._

" _Zatknis'!"_

One moment after, Karloff's misadventures kept changing because he has no idea what consistency is and where he can get it. One bizarre scene after another played out faster than anyone else can keep up until his world devolved into a nightmarish void filled with scribbles that started consuming all in its path while the master of metal was completely consumed in his own stories and fell back to his native language but because no one here knows Russian, only the First Spinjitzu Master knows what the hell he's talking about.

"That's not how it happened!" The other elemental masters stopped him before the chaos can spread to the realm of Ninjago.

The world of Karloff's story fell apart and the master of metal found himself back in reality in its hi-def, bleak glory. The room was completely silent because everyone else were too busy gawking at him like he was some sort of insane horrid creature from an unknown realm.

"That… didn't make any sense at all..." The completely baffled Kai was the first to find his voice.

"Karloff, I don't even want to know what goes on in that head of yours..." Neuro muttered.

"But Karloff not done!" The master of metal whined.

"I think we've heard more than enough." Nya groaned.

"And even if those events were true, they still don't explain how we got here." Bolobo added.

"Can any of you tell us what _really_ happened?" Cole asked.

"Let me handle this! I know exactly what happened!" Turner boasted.

"This one better be good." Jay complained, wanting the master of speed's story to be understandable.

"Okay. Now _this_ is how it really went down..."

* * *

 **How's that?**

 **Did any of you know what Karloff was saying to the giant teddy Bear? If anyone gets it, then I have a very special prize for them.**

 **So far, I have Turner, Shade, & Bolobo's stories down but I'm still trying to figure out how the other elemental masters will tell their stories. As always, advice is highly appreciated & please review!**


	3. Push It to the Limit

**That's Not How It Happened**

 **I'm back guys! With the movie just days away, here's a new chapter to this f#%$ed up story! Griffin's story will have a bit of a vaporwave vibe to it so yeah! Expect more illogical plots! Read on!**

* * *

Griffin Turner's Chapter: Push It to the Limit

" _Like all stories do, it all began when I was just minding my own business..."_

The sunset made for a colorful backdrop to the slightly blurry world this chapter takes place in.

The man known as Griffin Turner didn't need any vehicles to get to any destination on time. Thanks to his element, he could go from one end of Ninjago to the other in minutes. He was summoned to the headquarters of the Garmadon family in the area of Ninjago City by the beach. Neon lights and palm trees lined the streets as he continued speeding his way down the streets until he arrived.

The mansion belonging to the Garmadon family stood before him and right in front was Lloyd.

"You're right on time," Lloyd, the young heir to the Garmadon fortune greeted him, "Just as expected from the master of speed."

"What did you bring me in for?"

"My colleague Nya needs to go out on some errands for an extended period of time and her base is a popular target for petty criminals with all the invaluable items she has collected over the years..."

Before this Lloyd can continue, the real one interrupted.

" _Hey! That never happened!" The Lloyd back in the wrecked Samurai X lair complained._

" _My story, my rules!" Griffin retorted, "Now where was I…?"_

"And that's where you come in," The Lloyd of this vaporwave world continued, "I need you to go and guard Nya's home while she's gone. Those artifacts can be very dangerous in the wrong hands."

"You can count on me!" The master of speed boasted.

"However, if you fail, I can't guarantee you'll live to see season nine." Lloyd warned him.

"Season nine of what?"

"I don't know," The blonde youth shrugged, "It's just a feeling I have, even though anything lasting up to seven seasons kinda loses its charm."

"Yeah, but what's with all the static at the bottom?" Griffin pointed at the static moving about that's been going on throughout his ordeal.

"There's nothing we can do about it so deal with it." Lloyd shrugged off the bad reception.

"We have something very big on our hands and it's up to you to stop it."

" _I was on my way until **it** came..."_

Griffin sped down the grid-patterned road with even more static using his immense speed. During his journey, he could hear some guy singing about 'pushing it to the limit'. Suddenly, gunshots were fired at him. Thankfully they missed and the master of speed halted himself to find the perpetrator.

"I've been looking for you, Turner." A mysterious figure came out of hiding.

"What do you want?" Griffin gripped the shurikens hidden in his belt.

"I've come to have my revenge," The figure revealed itself. A man whose face was covered in scars and dark hair with hints of grey, suggesting an older man, "You have robbed me of my family and fortune. I will not rest until I have my revenge."

The two started exchanging fists with one another but the scene stopped all of a sudden, as if Turner and the stranger were completely frozen in time… except that the scene was from some old video that was paused. Even the pause icon was obvious for all to see.

" _I gotta stop here because this is the part where things went to hell really fast." Griffin said._

" _What happened?" Jay asked._

" _Just listen and you'll find out."_

Once the fighting resumed, the action was set to the dissonant tune of a sax solo and Griffin's enemy finally had enough.

"I'm through with your childish games!" He threatened, now you shall witness my true power!"

He stood back and… suddenly surrounded himself with a glam rock band and belted out a song meant to verbally attack Griffin. Then the whole scenario went fast-forward. Come on, if you want this story to stick around, then the shitty authoress has to avoid copyright lawsuits.

Now, the battle was over. Griffin Turner, now all bloodied and bruised from the battle, stared down at his enemy. Both were covered in gunshot wounds but his enemy had it worse. The elemental master knelt down and held his own enemy as he breathed his last breath.

Thus his enemy died in his arms tonight…

"That's not how it happened!"

Yeah, expect that to be said a lot in this story.

Griffin, the elemental masters, and the ninja were back in the wrecked Samurai X lair. His story wasn't was bizarre as Karloff's but it didn't make the ninja any closer to solving the mystery of what went on in the secret lair while they were gone.

"That didn't really explain anything either..." Cole said in annoyance.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to let these guys tell a bunch of messed up stories?" Lloyd whispered to the ninja, who only shrugged.

"When will we find out the truth?" Nya asked, her patience wearing thin.

"Soon enough… if you let me tell you what really happened." Neuro volunteered to go next.

"Do you think he'll tell the truth?" Kai turned to the ninja for answers.

"He _is_ the master of mind," Zane started, "I sense his retelling of these unseen events will be the most plausible or at least less… imaginative..."

And then Neuro finally took his turn to tell his side of the story…

* * *

 **Sorry Zane, but I think you jinxed it for us all but don't worry. You'll find out the truth… eventually. Also, I have a new poll for some more story ideas so check it out if you want. As always, please review!**


	4. Game of Legos

**That's Not How It Happened**

 **Alright! We're down to Neuro's chapter! With my movie-verse fic coming soon, I may not have as much time on this story but please bear with me! Also, I have some new plans for my story but I want to know if you guys think I should go through with them before I can really make my decision. But there will be some more info at the end of this chapter. So for now, enjoy taking a look at the mind of the master of mind himself!**

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Neuro's Chapter: Game of Legos

" _In this crapsack world of Ninjago, terrible things are always bound to happen..."_

An astrolabe shown over the map of Ninjago as notable locations rose up by clockwork and were set up with Lego bricks while epic music played, serving as an equally epic intro of yet another messed up elemental master tale.

It was yet another day of executions in the green keep of Dragon's Landing. Neuro stood watch as the group of criminals before him were beheaded for various crimes from thefts to murder. Heads literally rolled and the executioners dragged the decapitated bodies away to be disposed of. Grisly as it was, it wasn't something new to the elemental master and the sight of all the blood and carnage didn't make him flinch. It was all part of daily life in Ninjago.

"Sir Neuro," One of the servants beckoned the master of mind, "A raven has been sent with a message from the ninja lords of Ninjago."

"What does it say?"

"I don't know sir. The message came with instructions that only you should read it."

"Very well..."

Neuro found the raven, took out the scroll tied to its leg, and opened it to read its contents.

' _The elemental ninja seeks to summon those with unique powers to their stronghold. Further matters will be explained there.'_

Having a feeling that he knew what was going on, Neuro was about to discard the message if he didn't catch the very last part of the scroll.

' _The ninja will supply food and gold for anyone who choose to attend.'_

Neuro still had no idea what the ninja want but as long as there was free food, maybe the months long trip to the ninja's home will be worth something…

" _Just to keep things safe, I won't go into full detail of what I've seen..."_

Neuro had seen a lot during his trip, from grisly battles with wildfire to certain acts that are all part of human nature but would get this story banned and would drag out. But for the sake of convenience, let's just say he finally made it. Unfortunately, the ninja were gone but Maester Wu was there and just as they promised, there was food with the table full of lemon cakes which the master of mind already helped himself to.

"So where are the ninja?" Neuro asked after polishing off three lemon cakes.

"The ninja have already left for a wedding." The old man answered like it was nothing serious.

…

"You're joking, right?" Neuro asked with an air of disbelief in his voice.

"No. And don't expect weddings here to go well… which is why you should catch up with them."

"Where are they now?"

"First thing's first..." Wu snapped his fingers and a bunch of courtesans started… making out to put it lightly… to accompany his explanation.

"They're probably still on their way to their destination, the Dragon Ford. One of their allies agreed to a marriage alliance to build up the ninja's strength. However, the many families of Ninjago have little to no trust and this family will also try something underhanded to gain power for themselves," As Wu continued speaking the moaning from the women got louder until they nearly drowned out his voice but Neuro was able to understand him, "You must go and make sure nothing happens to the ninja."

"I understand," Neuro nodded, "As long as I get paid in the end, I'll do what I can."

" _Again, to keep you kids awake, I'll just describe the real action..."_

Again, for time convenience, it took Neuro mere minutes to reach the Dragon Ford. He could hear a lot of commotion inside the castle situated there. Finding a way in, he finally met the ninja, looking none the worse for wear… but not even a parody is safe from the violence of the original work…

And things were looking a little too peaceful...

"Oh no..." Neuro sighed, having a hunch of what may happen next.

Suddenly, the bards performing at the wedding took out a bunch of weapons and massacred the ninja in manners too horrific to keep this story rated T. Luckily, the master of mind survived but he was now literally soaked in the ninja's blood. He could do nothing more but stand there, too shocked to speak as he processed everything that just happened in his mind...

"I thought weddings are supposed to be happy!" One survivor blurted out after a moment of silence.

"That's not how it happened!"

And once again, Neuro's back in the Samurai X lair alongside the elemental masters and the ninja, who were still alive.

"I just saw something go by, oh wait. It was the last bit of faith I have in you guys." Lloyd deadpanned.

"Face it. We'll never get the truth out of them." Kai said, "Finding out the truth is like anyone one of us besides Lloyd getting attention from the canon writers."

"But what choice do we have?" Cole replied, "Besides, at least this isn't as boring as just sitting on our asses, waiting for some miracle."

"So… who's next?" Jay asked.

"I'll go." Shade volunteered.

The ninja would've objected but the master of shadow already started his take…

* * *

 **Yup. Shade's gonna go next.**

 **Again, reviews are appreciated but now onto some big stuff.**

 **I plan on releasing my 'Destiny movie' fic soon & I put up my new plans on the second part of my 'story' New Story Announcement. I REALLY appreciate it if you check it out & tell me what you think before I can go through with them. Until then, see you later!**


	5. Shades of Noir

**That's Not How it Happened**

 **Alright, here's my next chapter! Befitting the master of shadow, this chapter will be a parody of film noir. Also, I have some really important stuff to say at the end of the chapter so stick around but for now, please enjoy!**

* * *

Shade's Chapter: Shades of Noir

" _You were the one who dragged me into this but I'll explain anyway..."_

Shade stood before the office building where the successful entrepreneur Nya worked. The master of shadow can still see the building but everything else was hidden by the fog but even if it wasn't there, the entire world was still entirely in black and white just like the biased storyteller himself and the only music in his world is a melancholy sax solo.

"I've been expected you, Shade." Nya's voice pierced through the mist.

The businesswoman emerged, wearing a trench coat and a matching hat.

"So you're the agent who works from within the shadows..." She circled him, watching his every move, "My expectations for you are pretty high and I hope you won't disappoint..."

"I recall you were seeking someone to do some undercover work." Shade spoke.

"That is true. But we'll have further discussions in my office."

" _Hey!" Nya exclaimed, "Since when did I -"_

" _It's no use complaining. Just roll with it." Lloyd said, now knowing they'll have to take the elemental masters' stories with a grain of salt._

Inside, the office, Shade sat across Nya's desk as the businesswoman stared out the window.

"I'll get straight to the point. Shade, there's a crime lord who's been a thorn on my side for some time. I need you to get rid of him." She explained his mission for him.

"As long as I get paid, I'll do it." The master of shadow nodded.

"Also..." Nya's eyes shifted in Shade's direction, the blinds casting shadows over her face, "I won't let you do this task alone. I also hired some other agents and you must work together."

"Look lady, I'm all for working under all orders but I work alone." Shade scoffed.

"Who said I was asking?" The female turned and glared at him, "We'll see once we get the next scene and you'll be surrounded by those agents."

As soon as Nya finished, the whole scene flipped around as just as expected, Shade found himself in a nightclub with the other elemental masters.

"Damn..." The master of shadow muttered.

" _As fate would have it, finding our target was easier than I thought… But there was a catch..."_

"Stop right there!" Griffin aimed his gun at the mobster at a port during the sudden shift of scene.

"Okay, you caught me." The generic gangster shrugged with an insincere smile.

"Wait. What are you planning?" Shade (rightfully) didn't trust this guy.

"This is _exactly_ what I've wanted. Thanks to you, Nya became a sitting duck for my ultimate plan."

"What are you talking about?" Ash questioned him.

"Why don't you go ask her? She should know by now."

" _We raced back as quickly as we could but it was too late… He had won..."_

The building where Nya worked was already burnt to the ground and there was absolutely no traces of the businesswoman herself. Shade stood despondently in the heavy rain, surrounded by the bodies of the other elemental masters with gunshot wounds on their backs. Now the master of shadow donned a trench coat and wide hat like Nya did in the beginning.

 _The other elemental masters tried to say something but Shade kept going._

"How does it feel?" The mafia don sneered, surrounded by his henchmen who shot down the agents, "You never liked working with others so their deaths are no big deal, right?"

The man and his lackeys disappeared as quickly as they came, leaving the master of shadow to wallow in his thoughts and reflect on his life.

"Alas…" Shade sighed bitterly, "Even without the darkness… there is only despair..."

There was nothing left here for the agent who slipped back into the shadows where he belonged...

"That's not how it happened!"

The ninja never knew that even Shade's grasp on logic can slip.

"I've had it!" Nya complained, "All of you! Get out! Just get out and so I can move on with my life!"

"But we didn't go!" The remaining elemental masters.

"Oh yeah? You wouldn't want me to reveal your birthmark, do you?" Bolobo threatened.

Jay shrieked louder than he ever did and that's saying something. Meanwhile, the ninja, Nya, and even the other elemental masters were intrigued.

"Jay has a birthmark!?" Kai snorted, barely keeping himself from guffawing.

"Yes," Neuro answered, "I've just looked into Bolobo's memories and I saw it."

"You either let us tell you what happened or I'll reveal it." The master of nature blackmailed.

"Tell us where it is!" Cole demanded.

"You wouldn't believe til you see it! It's a cute teensie-weensie little -"

"TELL THE STORY!" The lightning ninja yelled as quickly as his element.

"But we wanna know where it is!" Lloyd complained.

"I don't care! Let them tell the stories!" Jay screamed.

Bolobo gave a smug glance at Jay's direction, knowing he had won.

"I thought so…" The master of nature gloated, "Now… _This_ is how it all went down..."

* * *

 **Don't worry, guys. Just like what REALLY happened, we'll find out about Jay's birthmark… eventually. Now, on to the big stuff.**

 **My movie-verse Chosen by Destiny remake, which will be called Discovering Destiny, might have some very big changes in it. You'll find more info at my profile & vote on the poll if I should put them in. The story will be released on Friday so PLEASE vote!**

 **As always, reviews are appreciated & I'll see you very soon!**


	6. Ninjago the Musical

**That's Not How It Happened**

 **I'm so sorry guys! I've been busy with Discovering Destiny & I haven't had time for this story! But we're finally at Bolobo's chapter, which will be one big Disney parody so there's gonna be cutesy animals & cliched songs for every occasion! Enjoy!**

* * *

Bolobo's Chapter: Ninjago the Musical

" _Deep in the forest we were all peacefully living out our lives..."_

The forests of Ninjago were filled with echoes of cutesy songs about friendship and love.

The elemental masters were now (somehow) musically gifted forest animals.

Bolobo himself was a bear, Karloff's a deer, Neuro's a squirrel… actually, the master of nature will just reveal who's who as he goes. He needs you all awake for his story.

" _But if you're a bunch of animals, how are you even able to speak?" Cole interrupted._

" _Hey! I'm the master of nature and this is how it goes!" Bolobo retorted._

"I'm hungry," Shade the skunk started, "Do we have anything good to eat around here, like some pie?"

"Did somebody say pie?" Gravis the bunny hopped over, serving up various pies, "Because any day is a wonderful day for pie!"

A little jingle played from out of nowhere and the elemental masters burst into song.

"It's a wonderful day for pie! You can ask all the birds in the sky!"

Booming thunder interrupted the elemental animals' singing before they could get in legal trouble.

"Oh thank god we won't have any copyright lawsuits!" Griffin Turner the chipmunk sighed in relief and yes, his voice is just like a chipmunk's here.

A fat witch hovered over the elemental masters turned forest critters, taunting them.

"We're gonna bulldoze this forest and all of Ninjago so we can build more Balmarts and Moonbucks!" She bragged, "And there's nothing you nasty vermin can do about it!"

The witch cackled and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Great! Now what are we gonna do!?" Ash the raccoon lamented.

Camille, the only human and dressed up like a princess, rallied her allies.

"Come my friends," The purple-haired woman spoke but only in a sing-song voice, "We shall seek out the samurai to save our home!"

Bolobo allowed Camille to ride on his back and he led the elemental masters out of the forests, hoping they won't be too late when they return…

...Only to find out the samurai was kidnapped.

" _Since when am I **not** stuck being the damsel in distress?" Nya deadpanned but alas, nobody listened._

Bolobo and company journeyed for days but let's not go there.

"We'll rescue Nya and find what we want!" Bolobo was first to burst into song again.

"We go on quest because we want something!" Karloff sang along.

"And maybe find some compensation romance!" Neuro joined in.

"Or find long lost families!" Turner added with his high-pitched voice.

" _Enough with the singing!" Lloyd complained._

" _What do these songs have to do with past events?" Zane added._

" _Hey, everything's better with cute woodland critters and music." Bolobo shrugged them off._

The elemental critters soon caught up with the witch to put her evil corporation to an end.

"It's over, hag! We'll save the samurai and our forest!" Camille sang in an operatic voice.

The talking forest animals chased her all over Ninjago and yes, they still managed to squeeze in some songs about their mishaps but again, Bolobo wants to avoid lawsuits as much as possible. Eventually, they chased her all the way towards the edge of a canyon. The witch slipped but barely held onto the edge and the elemental critters saw their chance.

"We'll let you go… but not unless you leave our forest alone!" Bolobo proposed.

"No! Never!" The witch screeched.

Suddenly, her grip slipped and her fell down the abyss until the critters heard a faint thud.

"Is witch really dead?" Karloff peered into the chasm but couldn't find anything amidst the darkness.

"Of course she is! She's the bad guy and they never survive huge falls in these stories!" Ash answered.

"Wait. So what does this have to do with the Samurai X lair?" Neuro, befitting his element, went meta.

"Actually, we're gonna start looking for the samurai in the shitty unnecessary sequel! It begins where we -" Bolobo was just about to continue his story when the ninja (thankfully) cut him off.

"That's now how it happened!"

The elemental masters were now human and the ninja stared at Bolobo like he had gone insane.

"Enough," Kai muttered, "We're already deaf by your horrible singing!"

"Why did you have to make it a musical!? We all know Camille's tone deaf!" Griffin exclaimed with his normal voice before being punched by the master of form.

"So… who's next?" Jay asked, hoping to divert everyone's attention away from his birthmark.

"Karloff go -"

"You already went!" The ninja and other elemental masters interrupted the master of metal.

"I'm going next," Gravis butted in, "You're not the only elemental master around!"

"When's it my turn!?" Ash whined, "Whoever's writing this finally got off their ass and I still didn't go!"

"Sucks to be you!" The master of gravity taunted, "Now here's what happened..."

* * *

 **Don't worry, Ash. You'll get your turn… & we'll discover what really happened and Jay's birthmark.**

 **Again, I might not be able to update this fic for some time but I will say thank you to those who have reviewed Discovering Destiny. Your support means so much to me & keeps me going. Hope you had a good Halloween & I'll be able to finish this story before the end of the year. Please review!**


	7. Ninja Dystopia

**That's Not How It Happened**

 **Holy shit guys. I'm so sorry that this story took FOREVER to update. I'm kinda consumed with my main story but now, we'll finally see how things went in Gravis' point of view, which is pretty much one big jab at young adult novels, which I'm NOT a fan of. Seriously, they're all the same. Anyway, I'm rambling. Read on.**

* * *

Gravis' Chapter: Ninja Dystopia

" _The land of Ninjago was overrun with dystopia but then again, when is it not?"_

The once bustling Ninjago City was gritty shadow of its former glory. Drugs and crime ran rampant in the heavily polluted metropolis. However, the city wasn't devoid of all hope.

Gravis led a small ragtag group in a secret plot to overthrow the corrupted government. Due to their harsh lives in the city, they were devoid of any real personalities other than being sarcastic badasses.

"Any bright idea, genius?" Turner deadpanned towards Neuro, who was one of the smarter members of the gang.

"Look who's talking." The master of mind retorted.

"Enough fighting," Gravis scolded them, "We alone can't get rid of the evil president. But I do know of a certain girl, the most badass in all of Ninjago."

"Hey! I'm already a girl! Why can't _I_ be the main heroine!?" Camille pointed out.

"As I was saying," Gravis continued, ignoring the master of form's complaints, "She could help us since being a badass is the only thing that'll give a girl any validation in this society."

"But I'm also a badass! We all are!" The purple-haired token girl complained.

You're already grouped with us so no significance for you." Gravis shut her down.

" _And so, we set out to find the one girl in Ninjago who has the least personality."_

" _What do you mean 'least personality'?" Nya complained._

" _It's just how girls are in this story." The master of gravity shrugged off the samurai's indignation._

"I assume we have similar interests." Nya inspected Gravis and his group once they caught up with her.

"Of course," The master of gravity started, "I'm a guy with issues over my parentage and background and you're an emotionally repressed girl who suffered some type of injustice by the government. On top of that, we hate everything. That's a sign that we'll be the important ones in this adventure."

Suddenly, the group was ambushed by agents of Ninjago City but Nya took them all down with just her wits and prowess with weapons just as quickly as they came.

"So we take that as a 'yes'?" Ash asked.

"I do have my own reasons to fight against the government… and there are also two guys important in my life..." Nya's thoughts drifted to two certain young men...

" _Oh my freakin' god! It's been years! Give that stupid love triangle a rest already!" Nya complained._

" _Hey, every story like this also has to have a love triangle. Deal with it."_

After a bunch of generic battles, the elemental masters and Nya formed a plan to free Ninjago.

"Here's the plan," Gravis told the others, "Nya will infiltrate the government headquarters, we'll fight off the soldiers, and Cole and Jay will enter a truce filled with a certain kind of context so both of them can help Nya. We'll have to be very careful if we want this plan to succeed."

"Me? I'm always careful!" Bolobo boasted.

"Really? Do you even remember that time you tried to fix that lightning rod in the middle of a storm?" Shade retorted.

"Knock it off!" Ash halted their argument, "Okay, Gravis.

" _The plan went smoothly at first but as always, there was a hitch..."_

The government unveiled a super weapon that will brainwash the entire city. The only weapon Gravis and the others had left was one bomb. The master of gravity had a plan and was aware of the risk...

"There's no way we could stop that thing!" Jay exclaimed.

"There's only one way to save the city!" Gravis grabbed the bomb and used his powers to dive straight for the building and the corrupt leaders inside it.

"What are you doing!?" Cole was shocked that he would resort to such measures.

"Gravis! No!" Nya and the elemental masters begged him to find another way.

"I actually liked working with you guys. But now, my time has come." Gravis bade the others farewell just before the bomb detonated.

The building exploded, marking the end of a nightmarish era and freeing Ninjago from tyranny… at a bittersweet cost.

"That's not how it happened!"

Again, Gravis, the elemental masters, and the ninja are back in the still ruined Samurai X lair.

"If that actually happened, you wouldn't even be here!" Lloyd pointed out the terrible logic in Gravis' crappy story.

"Can we go home now?" Jay whined.

"But you haven't heard my story!" Ash complained.

"I'll go!" Camille shouted, snatching the master of smoke's chance for the spotlight.

"Why do I feel this will get us nowhere?" Cole asked.

The others shushed him so the master of form can start her story, hoping they won't have to wait for so long this time.

"Since you guys can't tell a proper story, I'll show you how it's done..."

* * *

 **We're almost done. I'm gonna do Camille & Ash's stories and then we'll see what really happened. Again, I'm sorry for not updating for a while & review.**


	8. Kissy Cutie Heart

**That's Not How It Happened**

 **Geez, this story takes forever to update doesn't it? Anyway, here's Camille's chapter which will be full of wonderful anime nonsense. Enjoy.**

* * *

Camille's Chapter: Kissy Cutie Heart

" _It's been a long time since this story's been touched but there's no need for a boring backstory. Gotta make up for it with a good one..."_

Nya hated to admit it but there's no way she could stop the swarm of evil forces from another realm. The samurai can't do it alone… but luckily she wasn't.

Camille swooped down from out of nowhere, wearing a cutesy maid uniform. She took out a brooch which glowed in her hand, activating the power of anime.

"Kissy Cutie Heart Make-Up!" The master of form began a lengthy transformation. With all her clothes suddenly gone, she spun around and struck several poses to cute and upbeat J-Pop background music amidst flashing colors and sparkles while her extravagant magic girl outfit materialized out of light.

After all the glitter settled, Camille was now dressed in a brightly-colored cute uniform with a big bow in the center of her chest and a dangerously short skirt.

"Now that outfit is even more impractical for combat!" Nya complained but it didn't matter. She had her moment in the spotlight and now it's Camille's turn.

The master of form was now ready to beat up the baddies but much to her dismay, they managed to take over Ninjago already.

"How did you do all that!?"

"While you were busy transforming, we brainwashed everyone. Seriously, why don't the bad guys go ahead and actually do stuff during the magic girl's transformation? They're wasting valuable seconds!" The main villain, who happened to be a woman who was dressed like a dominatrix.

Yes, extreme sexualization runs rampant in this sort of medium.

" _You know, that transformation bullshit is actually a very good point." Kai interrupted._

" _Shut up!" The master of form cut him off, continuing her story._

"With everyone under my will, no one will get in my way! Ninjago is all mine!" The villainous laughed like an obnoxious noblewoman.

"Not everyone!" A familiar voice responded.

The other elemental masters soon joined Camille but something about them was off…

"What the hell is going on!?" Ash was now literally a puff of smoke with a cutesy moeblob face.

"And why are we excessively cute?" Turner wondered aloud, himself now a literal griffin but smaller… and much cuter.

"You think _you_ got it bad? We've been turned to moeblobs!" Gravis complained since he and the rest of the side characters were now chibis… except for one of them.

Suddenly, every girl in Ninjago swooned once Neuro appeared. The master of mind had the trademark looks of the cliché bishonen, with his now long black and white hair flowing with the breeze… even if there's no breeze. He also possessed a chin sharp enough to cut diamonds, and very sparkly eyes. No one, not even Camille or the bad guys, can resist the master of mind's bishie charm.

" _I'm blind!" Lloyd somehow felt the power of the bishie-fied Neuro's smile reach his world._

 _Of course since this isn't canon, no one's losing their shit over the slightest thing that happens to him._

"Camille! Now!" Shade beckoned the master of form to use her special attack.

"Love Love Shiny Magic!" The purple-haired heroine took out a wand that shot beams of sparkly light at the enemies… and her allies who happened to be within the crossfire.

"Elemental Masters, assemble!" Camille rallied her allies.

Each Elemental Master summoned a large machine which combined into one giant humanoid mecha, including Camille. Now everyone was back to normal but were also clad in space suits.

"This doesn't make any sense!" The bad guys wailed before they were disintegrated by the attack.

With Ninjago saved, Camille went back to her normal life… or as normal as it can get while dressed in a sailor fuku.

"Ash! Wait up!" The master of form caught up with her main squeeze under a sakura tree.

The couple's eyes sparkled with glittery bubbles floating around them as they leaned forward and...

"That's not how it happened!"

With the repetitive title drop, the world reverted back to the… whatever the readers imagine it to be. The ninja and even the elemental masters besides Camille looked utterly confused by the her story.

"I have no idea what just happened." Jay sighed.

"And let's leave it at." Nya growled, becoming impatient with the Elemental Masters' dawdling.

"Now can I go?" Ash whined.

"Fine." Camille finally relented.

"If you want to know what _really_ happened, look no further!" The master of smoke bragged.

"That's only because you're the only guy left!" Kai retorted.

The master of smoke glared at the fire ninja before resuming his take on what happened.

"As I was saying, I know what happened and this time, it will actually make sense..."

* * *

 **Only 2 chapters left! We'll eventually see what happens after Ash's story which will be published when Pluto's officially a planet again.**


	9. Beware the Ink

**That's Not How It Happened**

 **We're finally here! This is the penultimate chapter with Ash's story which will be a parody of old-time cartoons. Now sit back & enjoy.**

* * *

Ash's Chapter: Beware the Ink

The whole world was in varying shades of black and white with a bad camera resolution.

" _Didn't we already get this with Shade's story?" Cole pointed out the repetitiveness of the story._

" _Don't interrupt!" The master of smoke snapped at the earth ninja._

Other than being monochromatic, this story won't be the same as Shade's film noir.

Ash and all the other elemental masters had 'pie slice' eyes and white gloves for what purpose, no one will ever know. They were just minding their own business, avoiding casinos run by devils and making sure not to bump into angels with horns.

"Hey guys! I just found a machine!" Ash gathered the others around the massive thing.

"Karloff wonder what machine do." The master of metal stared at the giant contraption that had 'ink' written in large letters on its side.

"I don't know. That thing's giving me the creeps." Neuro shuddered.

A loud screech disrupted these peaceful times and the elemental masters rushed to see what caused the commotion.

It was a giant demon who cackled while Nya struggled in his hand. The whole world burst into flames and because _everything_ in this world is real, including flowers and toys… uh… let's not go there.

"Save me! Save me!" The samurai in distress screamed and flailed her arms like noodles, which is only possible with this sort of trippy medium.

" _Stop treating me like a bimbo in these stories! Heck, I wasn't even there!" Nya ranted._

" _Watch your language!" Kai scolded his sister… only for her to smack him upside the head._

"You know what this means!" Ash exclaimed, "It's time for us to set off on another wacky adventure!"

"Aw man! We were gonna have bacon soup tonight!" Turner complained but followed anyway.

And the elemental masters set off on a quest to rescue Nya and the whole world for some reason. The ragtag bunch of misfits knew that the first thing to do was receive words of wisdom from a wise being, who happened to be a neighbor.

"Looks like you're gonna need some help," The humanoid wolf agreed to help them, "You're lucky cuz I got just the thing that'll help you."

The anthropomorphic character handed each elemental master different art supplies, confusing them even more.

"And how exactly will a bunch of pens help us?" Camille asked, her body being more realistic than her male comrades.

"When the time comes, you'll know."

And the elemental masters set off in a steamboat to begin their journey to save Ninjago…

" _Since all that traveling stuff will take forever, I'll go right ahead to the good stuff." Ash spoke._

" _You mean the part where we go 'That's not how it happened' and the story ends?" Jay quipped._

" _I'm gonna cook you like a ham one day." The master of smoke glared at the lightning ninja before he can resume his story._

The elemental masters survived a long and arduous journey to save the world. They've seen it all from living cookies to giant mermaids but they managed to survive all that and made it to a massive studio that was apparently the bad guy's stronghold.

The ragtag gang now found themselves fighting not the devil but his right-hand man, the true villain of this messed up world. The baddie's body seemed to be made entirely out of inky matter but was also buff at the same time. Don't ask how it works but that's just how it is.

The elemental masters had no idea what to do. The bad guy's inky body absorbed their attacks and it seems like nothing will work.

'When the time comes, you'll know.' The wolf's advice echoed in Ash's head.

"The art supplies! Do you still have them?" The master of smoke called out to his allies.

"Yeah. Why?" Turner asked.

"This is exactly what that guy was talking about! Throw them at the ink guy!"

The elemental masters obeyed the master of smoke and threw the supplies towards the villain…

Too bad they suck at throwing. The items landed only a couple of feet from them.

"Now what?" Shade pondered.

And the ink machine from before falls from the sky and crushes everyone and everything.

"That's not how it happened!"

And it's back to reality and this time, it's permanent.

"Who's going next?" Lloyd inspected the group of tied up side characters.

The elemental masters stared at one another but with Ash's story done, all of them went except for…

"I know what happened!" Jacob exclaimed, "It all started when -"

"Nah, the only way you could tell it is like that Fantasia bullshit and that just won't work in literature." Jay stopped the master of sound.

"Enough!" Nya shouted above everyone else, "I don't even care anymore! You get this mess cleaned up before we can move on with our miserable lives!"

"That's it?" Cole asked, "We're never gonna find out what really happened?"

"I believe so." Zane answered.

And it seems like life will go back to normal… or as normal as it can get in Ninjago…

* * *

 **Don't worry. We'll find out what _really_ happened in the epilogue. But as some people say, the truth can be too much to handle.**

 **With this story almost done, it's gonna be sad to see it come to an end. As always, please review.**


	10. What Really Happened

**That's Not How It Happened**

 **It's here, folks. We're finally at the end of this wacky short story. As promised, we'll finally find out what _really_ happened & maybe we'll finally know all about Jay's birthmark. Now sit back & enjoy this long-awaited finale.**

* * *

Epilogue: What Really Happened

After many months of being tied up in the remains of the Samurai X lair, the Elemental Masters were finally released and can go back to their normal and obscure lives.

"Oh no you don't!" Nya threatened the Elemental Masters, "You're not leaving until you clean up this entire mess!"

"What!? But we didn't even do it!" Turner complained.

"Then who!?"

The side characters fell silent. The samurai got them and they had no choice but to start cleaning up.

"Wait, why are _we_ cleaning too?" Jay noticed that he and the other ninja were also cleaning the mess.

"It's the right thing to do." Zane answered, always being too sweet for his own good.

Suddenly, the whole place shook with an ominous rumble…

And the roof of the Samurai X lair was torn off by a giant unholy creature. All the ninja and elemental masters stood dumbfounded by the gigantic monstrosity with the head of a real life turkey, a hot pink mohawk, and eight extremely buff arms. The turkey… man… thing started shooting lasers from its eyes and mouth while shrieking incoherent gibberish and wrecking the remnants of the Samurai X lair even further. Once the dust settled, it left as suddenly as it appeared.

"Looks like we just found out what really happened..." Cole regained his voice after many moments of flabbergasted silence.

"Why didn't you tell us in the first place!?" Kai exploded in front of the elemental masters.

"If we said a giant monster randomly came in and trashed the place, you wouldn't believe us." Neuro answered dryly.

"True..."

" _Now_ will you tell us about Jay's birthmark?" Lloyd asked.

'Crap!' Jay was hoping everyone forgot about that.

"Of course!" Bolobo was all too happy to reveal one of the blue ninja's deepest, darkest secrets, "It's one of those things where once you see it, you'll _never_ forget it!"

"Shut up! No one needs to know!" The lightning ninja tried to stop him but the other ninja and even Nya seemed eager to find out.

"I recall you saying it's in the form of a tiny heart." Zane memorized Bolobo's brief description of it.

"Yeah! And it couldn't be at a better place!" The master of nature continued.

"Do you remember where it is?" The ninja and even the elemental masters begged him to reveal one of Ninjago's darkest mysteries.

"No!" Jay tried to stop him but it was too late.

"That's easy! It's -"

* * *

 **The End**

 **Yeah, I was just dragging you along with the birthmark thing. Too bad it will forever be one of those unsolved mysteries of life. But I hope you enjoyed this story & perhaps there will be more to come. See ya.**

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 **What? Why are you still here? It's over! Nothing to see here!**

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 **I mean it! This story was already a waste of time! Go!**

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"It's smack dab in the middle of his left ass cheek!"


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